Future Me,
I bless you find this message before the internet pervs do. I am here at the beginning of 2018. I don't think I grew that much in the past year, except I like asparagus now. I have many goals for the new year that I promise to keep.
I have entirely stopped wearing bras, mainly to see if they'll naturally bounce themselves into a full B cup. The past 2 years I have slept with a stuffed pig every night; I hope you are stroking our pig's crusty head as I speak. I dream of Iceland, cloudy skies, and getting avocados at 90% off for the rest of my life.
I have recently been worried about my smile lines. Frowning is my favorite pastime in hopes to permanently remove any previous happiness. Of course, I'm kidding (but my face remained stoic during the joke).
I'll keep you updated with new wordplay and unnecessary description. And you'll continue reading in your expensive, well-fitted bra, always wondering why your pee smells.
Love, Me
Picture this.... a tribe of asparagus children, but they are self conscious about the way their pee smells.
ReplyDeleteLet me know how the bouncing goes! It would save me a ton of money if that works!