him

    NICKNAMES   Schmeagle, Baby Pants, Fert, Poopy

         WEIGHTS   213 (pounds, not ounces)

      FEATURES   blue eyes and a butt that looks like the David

      TV SHOWS   Parks and Rec., The Office, & Cops

             LOVES   steak, candy, gym, Steve Cook

        TALENTS   playing guitar, making his Adam's apple dance, and robot voice

            HATES   peeling fruit, body fat, and bad drivers