sea

Here I am in wet pigtails...
My days resemble my 12 year-old summers,
except my friend group as narrowed more than an old man's Christmas list
and I can't wait till school starts...(& that still deeply frightens me)
I'm a little lost.
and every missionary letter, newlywed blog, study abroad picture, humanitarian project, major announced
makes me want to sit in my car, at night, against a mountain, listen to Coldplay, stare at my cage of a valley, ponder specifically at the empty space surrounding Utah lake...&.... something.
Except i'm scared of 4-legged animals (like wolves and rapists), so my boyfriend would join me.
it always comes back to that boyfriend. 
But 28 minutes of staring at possible inspiration doesn't make the decisions for my indecisive--slightly conflicted--mind.
I will donate one of my good toes to have someone knock an adult into me.

You know when you play an overplayed song on repeat?